Women are fairly vocal about their frustrations with the unrealistic expectations placed on them, yet they often don’t realize that they perpetuate similar stereotypes about men. I heard all three of the following statements in sessions this week, and I was reminded of the damage that this kind of thinking does. Much of what we believe we “know” about men and sex is wrong:

1. “all men cheat”: Some men do. And some women do too.

From the article, Love, Sex and the Changing Landscape of Infidelity :

Dr. Fisher notes that infidelity is common across cultures, and that in hunting and gathering societies, there is no evidence that women are any less adulterous than men. The fidelity gap may be explained more by cultural pressures than any real difference in sex drives between men and women. Men with multiple partners typically are viewed as virile, while women are considered promiscuous. And historically, women have been isolated on farms or at home with children, giving them fewer opportunities to be unfaithful.

2. “men are much more visual than women”: Men are visual, but so are women. We are all sensual creatures and we respond to visual stimulation. Our society may play up the “men are visual” stereotype, but in anticipation of the Public Enemies movie, I have seen and heard many female friends go on and on about how gorgeous and sexy Johnny Depp is. There is a bit of a double-standard that women can swoon over men, but when a man notices a beautiful woman, he’s a pig.

In fact, if one wanted to argue that one sex was more visual than the other, according to this research, women are aroused by a wider spectrum of visual sexual stimuli. The difference seems to be that women are less aware of their arousal.

3. “men always want sex”: Not true. Men and women have fluctuations in desire throughout their lives. People ask if I have ever known a couple where the woman has the higher sex drive. The answer: Yes. Do men ever turn down sex? Yes.

News flash: Men get tired. Men get stressed. Men get depressed. Men would sometimes rather watch sports or Law & Order or surf the Internet.

The myth that men are constantly horny, or that they’ll seize any and every opportunity for sex, is potentially very damaging. It creates an unrealistic and simplistic view of men’s sexuality, and it perpetuates the notion that it’s up to women to “control” men’s desires. Men shouldn’t think something is wrong with them if they don’t always want sex, and women shouldn’t think something is wrong with them if their man isn’t always wanting sex. There are couples who have sought counseling because the woman is concerned that her husband isn’t sex-crazed enough. Of course, if he’s too sex-crazed she’s concerned about that. So what exactly is the right amount of sex-craziness men are supposed to exhibit?

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Of course, all of these issues are potentially much more complex than my responses imply, and I do not mean to trivialize any of these concerns.

What do you think?

Any other “myths” about men and sex that bother you?