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7.29.2009 | Blog, Talking to Kids About Sex

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• Establish an environment where children feel free to ask questions. Let them know that you honor their right to be informed. Be an “askable parent.” It is never a good idea to tell your child to wait until they are older before you will answer their questions. When children ask questions, you have a chance to help them learn, BUY CIALIS NO PRESCRIPTION.

• Know what is taught about sexuality in your schools, churches, temples and youth groups. Urge these groups to include sexuality education in their programs. While young people often joke, tease and talk about sexuality among themselves, it is more helpful when trained adults lead those talks.

• Be aware of the “question behind the question.” The unspoken question, “Am I normal?” is often hiding behind many questions about sexual development, sexual thoughts and sexual feelings. Reassure your children as often as possible.

Adapted by MOAPP from “Kids Need to Know,” Family Sexuality Education, Eugene, OR, and “Now What Do I Do?” by Robert Selverstone, PhD.

***
For more tips on talking to kids about sex, attend my September 14 class at Sensovi Institute.

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Responses

Christina
7.30.2009

Great advice, Becky! Two questions:

1. I work with the youth at my church and would like to offer a sexuality course/study but don’t know where to get the materials. Do you have any recommendations?

2. Where could I find information about “typical sexual questions and behaviors that occur at various ages”? My daughter is 4 1/2 and I’d like to know what to expect & to prepare! :)

Thanks!!

Richard Carson
7.30.2009

Great stuff Becky, all very important advice. I think it is also important to state that sexuality education begins a long time before puberty. It includes how we communicate about the birth of younger siblings, how we do potty training (sorry if that’s not US English!), how we name and communicate about body parts, how we use touch etc.

I think you’ll like this resource written by some of my colleagues on Jersey (the old one not the New one). Every parent of a nine-month old baby in Jersey receives one, as at that stage the education has already begun!

http://www.acet.je/section/308/index.html

Just wanted to let you know how happy I am to see something of this stature on FaceBook, where I found you. This is a wonderful article and one that is so very needed. Keep up the good work and God bless your efforts. Sexuality is a subject that some had rather not deal with but it must be and be done well. You have started out well. Keep the info coming.

Becky Knight
8.02.2009

Thanks Jo Ann. It’s been nice to see all of your encouraging words!

Becky Knight
8.02.2009

Richard, I totally agree that sexuality education begins before puberty. In my classes, I remind parents that even if they haven’t had “the talk”, that they are talking about sex all the time. They are communicating through how they dress their kids, how they talk about being a girl vs being a boy, how they potty train, etc. You’re absolutely right!

Thanks for the link to the ACET information. I think it’s fabulous that they distribute it to parents of very small kids. It helps to reinforce the idea that parents can have a huge impact (positively or negatively) on their kids developing a healthy sexual self.

Becky Knight
8.02.2009

Christina-

Good questions.
1. I have heard great things about the OWL (Our Whole Lives) program developed by the Unitarian Universalist Church : http://www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/ourwhole/ – but other than that I am not familiar with what other programs are used in churches. I’m going to look into that.

2. A great resource to find out what is typical at each age is found at Advocates for Youth. I print out their pdfs and hand them out at classes. http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=111&Itemid=206 Their website has a lot of info for parents, so check out their other pages and links.

Hope that helps!

Jessica
8.11.2009

That is very good info. I have a baby right now, and I really don’t want to mess her up the way my parents messed me up. My parents used “teachable moments” as you said, but for them, that was pausing a movie during a sex scene and saying “Now, we don’t actually do this. In real life, only married people do this.” My premarital sex is still a point of devastation for my mother, even ten years later and now that I’ve been married for three.

[...] or have not told them. The women on the Real Women Talk discussion almost unanimously believe that parents should give their child ‘the talk’ about sex around the ages of preteen and/or high school. Parents should begin by discussing with their child [...]

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