If you have a girl in your world, you will one day face it: The First Period. With two girls of my own, and a couple more in my mentor-orbit, we are busy bivouacking supplies, and doing a little recon. I know I can’t make it a totally smooth ride, but I want to at least ensure there are none of these “And then I went to the bathroom…and I thought I was dying!” stories.

I’m not a doctor, sexologist, or therapist – but I am a mom with a good head on her shoulders and a little bit of experience under my belt, so here are some tips from the trenches.

1. Read Up: My children have been reading The Care and Keeping of You for a couple of years now. From skin care to how to use a tampon, this book from American Girl covers all the puberty basics in a practical, well-illustrated manner. Older girls might like Body Drama, which is definitely geared at teens (not tweens) and opts for photos of real, live bodies over cartoon sketches.
2. Demonstrate. Nothing helps calm “but what if it leaks” fears like a little science experiment. Around age 8 or 9 I showed my girls how to unwrap a pad and tampon, and how easily they could absorb a few tablespoons of water. Then we filled a glass up part-way to see just how much the various kinds of liners, pads and tampons could hold. Knowledge is power. (And peace of mind.)
3. Create a Comfort Kit. In a non-transparent toiletry bag pack: a liner/pad/tampon, a change of underwear, and one dose of ibuprofen (at your discretion—and make sure your child’s school doesn’t have a no-meds policy). Also handy: a safety pin for a busted bra strap or zipper, breath mints or a tooth brush, and a tube of concealer. (Oh the things that horrify us in Jr. High!) Pop this kit into your daughter’s backpack for some peace of mind.
4. Back Up Plan. Show your daughter how to make an emergency pad by wrapping toilet paper around her underwear. (There’s even a photo of this in Body Drama.) It’s also helpful to brainstorm who you might ask for help (a teacher, a friend’s mom, a friend’s big sister, etc.) And don’t forget to demonstrate the old “sweater tied around the waist” trick, just in case.
5. Know the Lingo. I know it’s important to teach your children the actual biological terms for things, and we’ve been using the real words since our kids could talk. (Nothing makes for a nice a dinner with the conservative in-laws like a three-year-old using the word “vagina” – but I digress…) As much as real-terms are important, it does lighten the mood a little if you sprinkle in a few funny terms. Teaching your kids “menstrual cycle” and “Aunt Flo” keeps things from being too squeamishly serious, and preps your kids for the playground terminology they are bound to run into.
6. Become a Spin Doctor. Most of the news out there about your period is not good. It’s messy, it hurts, and it opens up the door to pregnancy. (Scary!) At least try to put a good spin on it. I explained to my daughters that yes, it’s kind of a pain, but your period is also a sign of your body’s power. I mean, boys can’t make a whole person! True, this kind of moon-cycle power talk only garnered me an eye-roll, but at least it’s knocking around inside their brains and may become a helpful guide as they get older. Also, in the midst of the “No fair! Boys don’t have to deal with this!” rant, I did introduce the embarrassing concept of unwanted erections in the middle of math class. It didn’t exactly level the playing field, but it did seem to make things a little more even.
7. Check Your Baggage. True, your mother might not have handled these things well. (Mine got mad at me when I miscalculated dates and ruined my favorite white Gap saddleback jeans.) But you are not your mother. This doesn’t have to be isolating or lonely for your daughter. You are there for her. You’ll figure it out together. Let her know you are her patient partner in this learning curve.
8. Remember the Range. One of the hardest things about first periods is you never know when they are going to happen. (About six months after the breasts are mostly developed, seems to be the general rule of thumb.) It’s no fun to be the first one in your class to get your period, and it’s no fun to be the last. Girls who get their periods “early” may not feel ready for the responsibility. Girls who are anxiously waiting their turn may feel stuck in “little girl” status. Try to be compassionate, and explain the age-range thing…again.
9. Respect Her Wishes. You may want to erect a red tent and give your daughter a maiden party, but she may prefer some privacy. Prior to the big event, talk about what she would like to do to mark this event in her life. Some girls may want a low-key week with some extra time to rest, read, and curl up with Mom. While others may be game for the big sister-clan ritual. Most will NOT want Dad to know…so Mom, don’t blow it by letting the cat out of the bag. Ask your daughter if she wants you to talk to Dad, sister, etc.; if she wants to do it herself; or if she’d rather just keep it private.
10. Strategize. Once the first period gets here, there are a lot of little details to figure out. Here are some things to help strategize: How to get your pad from a purse to pocket without the whole class seeing. What to do if there isn’t a little disposal trash can in the bathroom stalls at school. How to rinse out stains on panties and where to hang them so your brother doesn’t bug you. How to keep track of your cycle on a calendar. What to do if you can’t quite manage a tampon, but you still have swimming lessons. (We’re still working on that one.)

What is your advice for first period prep and management? What do you wish you had known? What’s the best technique you employed with your daughters? Do tell in the comments below.

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Rachelle Mee-Chapman is a soulcare specialist, writer, and mother(ish) to several. Based in Seattle, she’s now living the expat life in Copenhagen, Denmark. You can find her at Magpie Girl, friend her at Facebook, or follow her on Twitter.