There’s a news item that’s been getting some fun reactions the past few days:

Sex toy research causes a stir at Duke

Student health centers across the country are looking for ways to curb “serial promiscuity” and risky sex, so a behavioral economist and student health workers at Duke are investigating whether sex toys may be a credible cure.

Not surprisingly, some people are questioning the merits of this research, among them Father Joe Vetter, director of the Duke Catholic Center.

“I’m concerned about promiscuity also,” Vetter said. “And to be honest, I don’t have the solution. … My concern is these students are in this developmental phase, and I don’t think it’s a good developmental practice to just tell somebody to just sit around and masturbate. I don’t think that promotes relationships.”

Vetter, like many parents and educators, is concerned for students. But like most of them, he offers no real alternative for them. He doesn’t want them to have risky sex (or any sex for that matter), or to masturbate, but he doesn’t offer them any other “solution.”

Back to the research – I am actually interested in the results. Let’s not forget that 15 years ago, Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders was fired by President Clinton after she suggested that it just might be okay to tell kids it was perfectly normal to masturbate. What will happen if this study (or others) can actually “prove” that masturbation with sex toys keeps students from engaging in risky sex? I hope that we have come to a place where we can actually discuss this without someone losing their job.

However, I suspect that this research won’t prove anything. Much of the risky sex that occurs on college campuses (and elsewhere for that matter) is accompanied by alcohol, right? So are college coeds really going to stop partying at the frat house, go back to their dreary dorm room, by themselves, and use a vibrator instead? Somehow I doubt that.

And I have a problem with this whole notion that what people are after is just an orgasm. If that is all they want, then fine. A vibrator can help with that. But genitally-focused, physically-based sexuality is only going to get people so far. I worry that using vibrators as a safe alternative to sex will only perpetuate the idea that sex is about what you do and not about who you are.

I would like to see research done to explore how empowering people to embrace their sensuality, sexuality and eroticism helps them make healthier choices. And honestly, most women would do well to learn to self-pleasure without the assistance of a sex toy. Women should not expect a toy (or a partner) to give them an orgasm, it needs to come from within themselves.

Whether you’re 18 or 81, sure… sometimes you might just want an orgasm. But I believe, that at the deepest level, we all long for meaningful connection and intimacy – and there’s no Silver Bullet for that.