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11.30.2009 | Blog, Intimacy

BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION, My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.
- Garry Shandling

Stefana Broadbent's TED talk is called "How the Internet Enables Intimacy." She shares stories of families setting up a webcam at dinner to share the experience via Skype with family members in another country, and of loved ones who sneak away for a few quiet moments during their work shift so that they can say "good morning" or "good night" via their Blackberry or iPhone. Cyclosporine Eye Drops 125mg, These are lovely sentiments, but I disagree with her use of the word "intimacy."

It may be my personal bias, since I have never been one to enjoy long chats on the phone, but I have always felt that a phone call was just a tool to stay connected until the next time when I could be with someone, Cyclosporine Eye Drops 5mg. I don't get much out of weekly calls to my family, but the hours we spend with each other -- those are the memories that I treasure and those are the times I feel most seen, Rx free Cyclosporine Eye Drops, heard and understood. Using some form of technology always leaves me feeling like I am being misunderstood or that I am misunderstanding the other person. It's like finding my way in the fog, BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION. I find it rather frustrating.

image from citylight's etsy shop

In the discourse over whether technology is hurting or helping relationships, canada, mexico, india, I think we're confusing "intimacy" with "connection." I am an avid user of Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn, 400mg, 450mg, and I enjoy being reconnected with far-away family and old classmates. Now thousands of people may know what blog I am reading or what movie I am watching, that is "connection" -- it is not intimacy.

I understand that in some instances, Cyclosporine Eye Drops price, finding your way in the fog is better than nothing. BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION, I can't be with my grandma more than once a year, so a phone call or a handwritten letter is the best we can do to stay connected and to feel some presence in each other's lives. Yet I wonder how much more meaningful our relationship would be if we were able to spend more time talking over tea, Cyclosporine Eye Drops over the counter, baking together, or doing a puzzle on a rainy afternoon.

And if my husband were overseas in the military, technology could help us stay connected during the long months spent apart, farmacia Cyclosporine Eye Drops baratos, Cyclosporine Eye Drops online kaufen. But what I would really want would be to hold his hand, to look into his eyes, Online buy Cyclosporine Eye Drops without a prescription, to feel his breath on my neck, to smell his chest --- to have intimacy.

Perhaps this is more about how I perceive and express love. Words, whether spoken or written, have never meant as much to me as someone's presence - their ability to be with me physically and emotionally, BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION. Or perhaps I am being too persnickety about the semantics, where can i find Cyclosporine Eye Drops online. But I worry that people are settling for connection, when what they long for is intimacy. Order Cyclosporine Eye Drops online c.o.d, Would you rather have 1000 friends on Facebook who read your status updates, or one true friend who reads your "status" on your face -- who can listen to what is said and unsaid, who knows when you're scared, embarrassed or hurt, Cyclosporine Eye Drops 50mg. Can you have both. BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION, Sure. But I wonder how many of us choose to cultivate hundreds of lesser connections because we're too scared to develop fewer, Cyclosporine Eye Drops 500mg, deeper connections.

If we find that IMs and tweets are enough to fulfill our desire for intimacy -- to know and be known on a deep and meaningful level -- then I think we are in a heap of trouble when it comes to important relationships. When couples would rather shoot each other IMs from across the house than spend time being intimate with each other, I think there's a problem, australia, uk, us, usa. When someone finds more validation in having a thousand followers on Twitter rather then being mindfully present with a friend or lover, then I think we're settling for less than we know we deserve.

Connection vs, BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION. 0.4mg, 0.5mg, 1mg, 2.5mg, Intimacy --What do you think.

image above by citylight


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UPDATE: 12/03/09

I've received a good deal of feedback about this blog post via the comments here, as well as discussions on people's Facebook walls and on Twitter. Much of it has been critical, buy cheap Cyclosporine Eye Drops, which I admit was difficult at first. Still, Cyclosporine Eye Drops 150mg, that's kind of the point of this whole idea of intimacy -- it's about being more transparent and more of who we really are. BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION, So even though a lot of the work I do with people is to help them be comfortable with intimacy, I realize anew how much I have yet to learn. I am also reminded of how much of my own story is showing up in my feelings about the word "intimacy."

I recently posted a quote from David Richo which began:

Most of us have unrelenting longings for whatever was missing from our childhood. Every intimate bond will resurrect these archaic yearnings, along with the terrors and frustrations that accompany chronically unmet needs.

This is true for me, New York. Los Angeles, California. Just ask my husband. I seldom felt "seen" as a child because of issues going on in my family. My mother has told me straight out that she sees me how she wants to (as a 'perfect' child - because it makes her feel good about herself) instead of seeing me for who I really am, BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION. Buy Cyclosporine Eye Drops from canada, She can't see my mistakes and my hurt because it will require her to acknowledge her part in it.

So I have a deep longing to be seen. But I don't think I am alone. I know I'm not, Cyclosporine Eye Drops 800mg, 875mg, 900mg. BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION, I also don't believe I am the only person who engages in techonology/social media/what-have-you with some degree of reticence. I enjoy the new relationships that have emerged and the ones that have continued in new ways, but I still feel like it is only scratching the surface of the kind of relationships I want. Order Cyclosporine Eye Drops online overnight delivery no prescription, In my post, when I asked about trading in 1000 Facebook friends for one true friend, some people may have bristled at that and interpreted that to mean I was saying that those 1000 connections aren't worth much. Honestly, Cyclosporine Eye Drops 1000mg, 2000mg, I think that was my own 'unrelenting longing' aching aloud. *I* would trade it in. I would, BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION. Nashville-Davidson, Tennessee. Portland, Oregon, That doesn't mean everyone else would. And I realize that it doesn't need to come down to that. We can and should have both. We need many kinds of relationships, Cyclosporine Eye Drops samples, with many kinds of connections and bonds. BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION, In his book, The Seven Levels of Intimacy, Matthew Kelly lays it out like this:


  • Level 1: Cliches

  • Level 2: Facts

  • Level 3: Opinions

  • Level 4: Hopes and Dreams

  • Level 5: Feelings

  • Level 6: Faults, Fears, and Failures

  • Level 7: Legitimate Needs


That got me thinking. People do share all of this on Twitter, Indianapolis, Indiana, San Francisco, California, Facebook and the like. They debate politics, confess about screaming at their kids, and some can say "hey, Cyclosporine Eye Drops 200mg, I am feeling lonely. will someone hang out with me tonight?"

So, Where can i order Cyclosporine Eye Drops without prescription, I'll agree that people can use technology to be vulnerable and transparent. But I still come back to the fact that for me, I still need to be with someone - to share the space with them, to breathe the same air, Austin, Texas, Memphis, Tennessee, to see their body language as they show interest or disinterest - to feel like we have a strong enough connection to call it intimacy.

I also think of a trip I took this summer out to Puget Sound to spend a weekend with nine "Soulsisters." Most of us had never met before, but we were brought together by Rachelle Mee-Chapman (aka Magpie Girl) because we all read her blog, BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION. So technology drew us together and made some sweet connections. Where can i buy cheapest Cyclosporine Eye Drops online, Yet, the consensus as we left was that we were sad that we would only be able to communicate online from then on. What we were all longing for was a deeper connection, and we were disappointed to realize that we weren't going to have it, købe Cyclosporine Eye Drops online, αγοράζουν online Cyclosporine Eye Drops. I want a Soulsister within 20 minutes of me so I can call and say "I had a really shitty day, can we go grab a glass of wine and commiserate?"

So I guess I am back to where I started in this original post. BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION, I still think that technology only gets us so far. Comprar en línea Cyclosporine Eye Drops, comprar Cyclosporine Eye Drops baratos, And I don't understand the concept of "ambient intimacy." It just feels like the wrong use of the word. Yet, in Kelly's book, he describes intimacy as self-revelation and about sharing the journey of becoming our best selves, Cyclosporine Eye Drops 625mg,650mg. In that respect, maybe "ambient intimacy" works. Purchase Cyclosporine Eye Drops online, Ugh, is it just me. Am I the only one who sometimes feels more DIS-connected from people the more online connections I try to maintain, BUY Cyclosporine Eye Drops ONLINE NO PRESCRIPTION. What am I missing. Is it me that is mis-using the word "intimacy", Cyclosporine Eye Drops withdrawal.

Oh, and several people have taken issue with my use of the "vs" between connection and intimacy. Chicago, Illinois. Houston, Texas, Honestly, I couldn't think of a better title and I thought at least that one would get some attention. And I also wasn't saying connection is bad and intimacy is good, or that all relationships should ultimately lead to deep and profound intimacy. I was just saying that some of them should.

I truly, truly am energized by this discussion and I know it is important because this is part of what I do -- I help people create and sustain intimacy with themselves and others. So if you have any feedback to offer, please do.

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Responses

maymay
12.02.2009

I don’t think the issue is best explored by pitting the question as a “versus” statement. Connection simply means a relationship, association, or “joining of two things (especially for communication)“, which I think we’ll all agree that telecommunications technologies help us do. But intimacy is about the quality of that connection. Not in terms of whether the connection is “good” or “better” than some other connection, but about the kind of emotional attachment one feels when one is connecting to another person. Intimacy implies familiarity and when people are involved, I imagine you would be among the first to champion greater and more involved communication.

I do believe there is a different quality of a connection when physical presence is part of communication, and that’s why I wholly agree with your final paragraph regarding the value in physical intimacy, but I don’t think that necessarily lessens the value in the very real intimacy we can experience from afar using the Internet.

Becky Knight
12.02.2009

maymay – Wonderful insight, thanks for sharing it.

I agree with you and I realize that some people may get more from IMs, texts and emails than me. Maybe some people are better at communicating that way than I am. I feel like doing those things is somewhat of an obligation in this day and age and part of me resists it. I know it’s pointless, but sometimes all I can think is “but I want to have this conversation in person!” I find it much easier to emotionally bond with someone when I have shared a face-to-face conversation. Yet, I do enjoy being in contact with people through this blog, twitter, etc. But I am an introvert at heart, and I feel most like myself when I am alone or in an emotionally connected encounter with someone.

So I admit some of this frustration with “connection vs intimacy” is borne from my own limitations, but I still think that technology, while it can enable intimacy on some level, cannot replicate the intimacy of being together in person.

I agree with what you’re saying, but would make the (I think important) distinction between “the internet” and “technology” – I would agree with you that communication techs like the internet enable people to maintain and reinforce intimate relationships, but usually do not foster intimacy in and of themselves. Speaking more broadly about technology though, I think that has a great capacity, in numerous ways, to foster intimacy.

Songbird
12.02.2009

It can’t replicate it, but when it’s all you have, you’re grateful for it. My husband’s work keeps him away from home for half the year. We do our best to arrange in-person reunions, but they are supplemented by the sound of a familiar voice on the phone or sweet words typed in a little box. It’s our normal, and we make it work until we can have the face-to-face.

Becky Knight
12.03.2009

Songbird – I think your post is a concise summary of exactly what I was trying to say. That “technology” can not replicate what you have when you’re face-to-face with someone, but it doesn’t mean it can’t be useful.

Becky Knight
12.03.2009

Critical Masculinities – can you explain a little more about what you mean about a broader understanding of technology? If you think the internet doesn’t foster intimacy, how do you see technology in the broader sense, doing so?

I kind of use technology to encompass telephones, the internet, blogs, Facebook, texting, etc — everything that requires a gadget of some kind. Are there better terms to use or ways to differentiate?

TK
1.17.2010

I think it all depends on the people involved.

Go back and read some of the exchanges of handwritten letters between separated friends and lovers from the era when people used to actually write letters — say, the 18th, 19th, and first four-fifths of the 20th century. Astonishingly intimate. The famous Sullivan Ballou letter from the Civil War is a good example, but there are others. Letters between death row convicts and penpals on the outside, where the parties have never met? Astonishingly intimate all over again. Yes, these are extraordinary circumstances, but I’m not so sure that’s the independent variable here. I think it’s the people.

Cases in point from the modern world of Yahoo chat, Skype, Twitter, and Facebook: I know people who say they cry more in online text/video chat with friends, and feel deeper emotions that way, as opposed to face to face. I know that phone/Skype therapy works better at a statistically significant level for certain disorders like depression than does face-to-face. http://psychcentral.com/news/2009/10/06/phone-based-therapy-improves-depression-care/8784.html I know…

Oh, you get the idea! It’s not the tech. It’s the people.

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