Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching, and whether you celebrate enthusiastically, reluctantly, or not at all, it’s that time of year when everyone is talking about romance. While flowers and chocolates are nice, here are three things that will really make a difference in improving your love life.

Make Time
I know many of you are hesitant to “schedule” sex, but don’t you schedule other parts of your life? Heck, you make sure to get your nails done or your oil changed. People will say that they want sex to be spontaneous, but for most couples, that kind of “I-have-to-have-you-this-instant” intensity wears off eventually and you will have to take the initiative to make things happen. And the goal doesn’t have to be intercourse! Simply making time for each other – without kids, cell phones, or other distractions – will help you connect on an emotional and spiritual level that will make the physical encounters all that much more meaningful. Also, making time for each other forces you to make your relationship a priority. If you “can’t find time” for each other, you need to ask yourself why you are choosing to disengage.

Make Eye Contact
Is it possible that you can go through an entire day and never look into your partner’s eyes? For many, it’s more than possible – it’s the norm. Sometimes it’s because we’re too busy, but sometimes it’s because we’re avoiding our partner. Eye contact is powerful stuff, we can use it to affirm and “see” others, or we can withhold it to punish them and create distance. Try giving your partner more direct eye contact and see how it can change how you feel about them, and how they respond to you. Don’t be surprised if it feels a bit strange at first. Sadly, most of us are not used to giving or receiving extended eye contact, but it’s one of the easiest ways to communicate that you value and respect the other person, and that you are present with them in that moment — a true gift!

Make Noise!
I know, I know. Life would be so much easier if our partner could read our minds. And after ump-teen years of togetherness — shouldn’t we be able to expect it by now? Sorry to say, but the answer for most of us is “No.” If you want something, you need to say so. It can be scary to voice our wants and needs because we put ourselves at risk to be ignored or belittled. But the truth is, you need to know. You need to know you have a voice in your relationship, and you deserve to know if your partner is strong enough to respond in a healthy way. If you knew that whatever you wanted would be granted, what kind of sex life would you ask for? What’s keeping you from telling your lover? Are you afraid of them saying “No”, or you afraid of what happens when they “Yes”?

What can you ‘make’ for your Valentine this year?