The following is an excerpt from a piece that ran in the Charlotte Observer and highlighted the important work of Barbara Green, a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor therapy. I am thrilled that more women will learn that there is hope for treatment of pelvic pain!

This bit, from the end of the article, is exactly why I help women overcome sexual pain. It can be destructive in so many ways, but it can be overcome!

Karen Davis of York County, S.C., just south of Charlotte, found out about the treatment after she’d been married for 18 years without having intercourse. She married as a teenager and hadn’t been able to use a tampon or have a pelvic exam because the pain felt like “a razor blade cut.”

Davis said she and her husband found other ways to have sex – she called it “outercourse.” And the years went by. “We had a very satisfying sex life until we wanted to have children.”

Tension over that issue led to their divorce. Only later did Davis learn physical therapy could treat her condition – vaginismus.

On the Internet, she found Barbara Green and started physical therapy. In less than four months, she was able to have intercourse, without pain, for the first time.

“It’s changed my life,” she said. “I just wish I could have found her a long time ago.”

Davis’ ex-husband is now remarried, with children. Talking about it makes her cry. She had wanted kids too.

“I battled with it my entire life,” Davis said. “Now I’m 46 and treated, but it’s too late.”

Today, she tells other women about physical therapy for pelvic pain through an Internet support group.

“That’s my salvation,” she said, “being able to help other people.”

Read more

Why come up with my own definitions when these are so good?

Sex
Sex refers to the biological characteristics that define humans as female or male. While these sets of biological characteristics are not mutually exclusive, as there are individuals who possess both, they tend to differentiate humans as males and females. In general use in many languages, the term sex is often used to mean “sexual activity”, but for technical purposes in the context of sexuality and sexual health discussions, the above definition is preferred.

Sexuality
Sexuality is a central aspect of being human throughout life and encompasses sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviours, practices, roles and relationships. While sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all of them are always experienced or expressed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, psychological, social, economic, political, cultural, ethical, legal, historical, religious and spiritual factors.

Sexual health
Sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.

Sexual rights
Sexual rights embrace human rights that are already recognized in national laws, international human rights documents and other consensus statements. They include the right of all persons, free of coercion, discrimination and violence, to:
• the highest attainable standard of sexual health, including access to sexual and reproductive health care services;
• seek, receive and impart information related to sexuality;
• sexuality education;
• respect for bodily integrity;
• choose their partner;
• decide to be sexually active or not;
• consensual sexual relations;
• consensual marriage;
• decide whether or not, and when, to have children; and
• pursue a satisfying, safe and pleasurable sexual life.

Dr. Oz introduced his segment on Vulvodynia by promising a “frank conversation” and a “no embarrassment zone.” He said the show was “blowing the lid off” of this condition and that “Nothing, I mean nothing, is off limits.”

Except for a vulva.

Maybe it’s just me, but if you’re going to do a piece about the millions of women who suffer from pain in their vulvas, and were going to show an image to educate people, I expect you to come up with something better than a traffic signal.

Dr. Oz told women the green light is their anus, the yellow is their vagina, and the red is their urethra. Um, okay. I’m sure that cleared things up for all of the women who have no idea what their vulva looks like. This would have been a perfect opportunity for him to do some actual education and de-stigmatizing about women’s anatomy. Instead, he chose to use a “metaphor.”

And once again the clitoris is nowhere to be found. So not only do women not learn about the clitoris in sex education classes, but they won’t learn about it from a doctor either. (Many diagrams in sex education do not identify the clitoris – after all, that’s about pleasure and people only need to learn about reproduction, right?)

You can watch a 5 minute segment of the show here. It does offer some good info and the treatment options listed on the site are a good starting point. However, if you want to know what an actual vulva looks like, check out this 3D Vulva site.

Or better yet, view this quick video for an artful, affirming approach to the vulva:

Disclaimer: I did not view the entire show, just the 5 minute segment linked to above. If he did a better job of talking about the vulva later in the show, please let me know.

Mashable regularly posts lists of top twitter users in a particular field. When they tweeted about their latest, 15 Twitter Users Shaping the Future of Publishing, I shot back:

So here it is: a list of some of the people who are using twitter to educate, advocate and provocate about sexual health.

@revdebra | Debra Haffner is a personal hero of mine. She’s also a Jewish Unitarian Universalist minister, sexologist, author, and blogger. Oh, and she is the executive director of the Religious Institute. This woman means business!

@SexEtc | Sex, Etc is a site written by teens for teens.

@Guttmacher | “Official feed of the Guttmacher Institute. Advancing sexual and reproductive health worldwide.”

@TWSHF | The Women’s Sexual Health Foundation “supports a multidisciplinary approach to the treatment of sexual health issues and serves as an educational resource for both the lay public and healthcare professionals.”

@JudyOBOS | Judy is Executive Director at Our Bodies, Ourselves

Anyone you want to add to the list (including yourself)? Add it in the comments (don’t forget to link to your twitter feed)!

Yesterday was the birthday of Margaret Sanger, a controversial and polarizing figure, whose sacrifices made our convenience commonplace. Gloria Steinem said of her, “She was charismatic and sometimes quixotic, but she never abandoned her focus on women’s freedom and its larger implications for social justice.”

She went to jail – to jail! – because she dared to send information about contraception through the mail. At the time, it was illegal – yes illegal! – for married couples to use birth control.

I thought this piece by The Writer’s Almanac summarized her life and work quite well:

I have been spending some time this weekend researching for my next appearance on Fox News Rising. I will be doing another segment, this time on “The Health Benefits of Sex.” Yet, I realize now that the title really should be “The Benefits of a Healthy Sex Life” because from what I’ve been reading, those who benefit the most are those who are having it the most.

We all know that sex is a form of exercise, burning as many as four calories a minute, and that all exercise is good for us. Similar to the effects of any good workout, when we get aroused, our blood pumps at a faster rate. That fresh supply of blood pumping through our body gives our organs a healthy dose of oxygen and rids the body of toxins and waste.

You also get a rush of endorphins after sex, aka the “runners high.” Endorphins, hormone-like chemicals akin to morphine, promote a sense of well-being and alleviate the pain of headaches and migraines, arthritis, and even PMS.

And then there is that lovely hormone oxytocin. Just before orgasm, oxytocin levels surge to five times their normal level. Oxytocin does wonderful things for us. It increases bonding, trust and generosity. It also increases our sense of empathy. It’s the same hormone that is released when a woman breast-feeds her child.

One thing that I found especially interesting is that men benefit most when they’re having regular sex, either alone or with a partner. For instance, men need 3-5 ejaculations a week in order to significantly reduce their chance of a heart attack, stroke, or prostate cancer. What some women may complain of as a “high sex drive” is maybe just his body’s way of keeping him alive!

Of course, it’s not just physical health that is improved by a good sex life. Having a good sex life reaps emotional and spiritual rewards as well. Thankfully, the more sex you have, the longer you’re likely to live — and the longer you’re able to enjoy sex!

This is not an area of expertise for me at all, but with the recent news of David Carradine’s death, it seems it may be appropriate to put some information out about Breath Play.

I’ve included a passage from Paul Joannides’ book Guide to Getting It On.

* If you are a parent, please view this as another reason why it is crucial that you talk to your kids (in an open, honest, and ongoing manner) about making wise sexual choices.

A reader recently reported that he puts his hands around his partner’s neck and squeezes tightly when they are having sex—at her request. She says it makes the experience feel more intense. He is now concerned because she wants him to use a leather belt from one of her coats to get a better grip.

This kind of sex is called breath play or erotic asphyxiation. It’s also referred to as scarfing or terminal sex. The side effects include death and brain damage. There are two groups of people who enjoy their sex this way. One groups is made up of boys and young men who put plastic bags over their heads or tight ropes around their necks while they masturbate. They are known as baggers or gaspers. Baggers are often white, straight and middle-class. They fit in well socially. They keep their sexual secrets well hidden. Up to a quarter of them wear women’s underwear while they masturbate on death’s doorstep.

It is thought that several boy baggers die each year in this country. Their deaths are often reported as suicides, but people who are trying to kill themselves don’t hang from door knobs and they don’t design safety releases into their death devices. Boy baggers fully intend to free themselves after squeezing out their blurry-eyed orgasms.

Horrified parents will often spruce up the death scene before the ambulance arrives. Instead of being reported as masturbation gone awry, the coroner thinks it’s a suicide and none of Johnny’s friends can understand why a kid who seemed so well-adjusted would want to off himself.

The other group of people who are into breath play are normal-appearing couples. They have no fear of the boy-bagger’s fate. They assume that the person who is applying the pressure is like a designated driver who can put the brakes on before it’s too late. “Not so!” says Jay Wiseman, the Tiger Woods of BDSM and author of S/M 101:
“As a person with years of medical education and experience, I know of no way whatsoever that either suffocation or strangulation can be done in a way that does not intrinsically put the recipient at
risk of cardiac arrest…. If the recipient does arrest, the probability of resuscitating them, even with optimal CPR, is distinctly small.”

You could be hooked up to state-of-the-art heart monitors and have a partner who is a board-certified cardiologist, breath play would still be Russian roulette in your birthday suit. Another thing that has healtcare providers concerned is the risk of brain damage. Those like Charles Moser, a physician who is highly respected in the world of kink, worry about the long-term consequences of breath play. There’s also the matter of those pesky murder charges. “Honest, your Honor, she asked me to choke her when we were having sex.”

From the Guide To Getting It On —Sixth Edition (2009)
author: Paul Joannides, Psy.D.

• 19 million new Sexually Transmitted Infections will occur this year
• STI’s cost the health care industry $15 Billion annually
• More than half of all of us will get one at some time in our lives
• Two-thirds of new cases are in people under 25 years of age

On Monday, I gave a three-hour workshop entitled, “The Local Impact of STI’s” (Sexually Transmitted Infections) for area counselors, social workers, school nurses and public health professionals. My three objectives were that participants would learn more about the most common STI’s, understand the emotional impact of a diagnosis, and see the importance of connecting patients/clients to resources for education and support.

Note: STI’s and STD’s are the same thing. “STD” is still the most widely used term, but there is a shift to using “Infection” instead of “Disease.” The term “disease” implies that a person is sick, but most people with STI’s don’t know that they are infected and/or don’t experience noticeable symptoms.

• 20% of Americans have Genital Herpes
• 90% of the people with Herpes don’t know they have it

Since I had several school nurses in attendance, we spent some time talking about the sex ed that kids receive in schools. We discussed reasons why the STI rate among American teens is so much higher than in other countries.

• The U.S. teen Chlamydia rate is 20 times higher than in France
• The U.S. teen Gonorrhea rate is 74 times higher than in France

Although the age at which young people begin sexual activity is about the same, American teens have a higher pregnancy rate, higher abortion rate, and higher birth rate than most industrialized nations. But why?

A big factor is condom usage. True, condoms don’t offer 100% protection against STI’s, but a condom or dental dam is far better than using nothing. Yet, Abstinence-Only Sex Education stresses the failure rate of condoms, and teachers cannot instruct teens on how to use one properly.

Theoretically, abstinence would be 100% reliable protection against Sexually Transmitted Infections, but…

• In one study, “virgins” had the same rate of STI’s as sexually active teens
• In communities with a large number of teens pledging abstinence, there’s a higher rate of STI’s (9% vs 5.5%)

So, what accounts for the large numbers of Americans, especially teenagers, who contract a Sexually Transmitted Infection each year? I think one important factor is the love/hate relationship our society has with sex. On one hand, we produce billions of dollars worth of porn and export it all over the world, and on the other hand we’re still pitching a fit about Janet Jackson’s breast exposed for 2 seconds.

We need to become more comfortable thinking and talking about sex. The obsession/repulsion reaction to sex has many damaging implications, including the the very real problem of Sexually Transmitted Infections. Not only do STI’s cause physical pain, but they cause emotional pain as well.

• In men, STI’s increased the overall risk of depression by 50%
• In women, STI’s increased the risk of depression by 80%

What you don’t know can hurt you.

Results from a new public opinion survey of teens and adults—With One Voice (lite) 2009—provides some guidance on what might help to reverse the recent increase in the teen birth rate.  Results from the nationally-representative survey make clear that (1) when it comes to teens’ decisions about sex, parents are more influential than they think, and (2) adults and teens view efforts that encourage teens to delay sex and that encourage sexually active teens to use contraception as complimentary not contradictory strategies. In particular:

• Teens say parents (31%) most influence their decisions about sex—more than friends (18%), the media (7%), teachers and sex educators (3%) and others.
• For their part, 43% of adults believe that friends most influence teens’ decisions about sex; only 24% of adults believe that parents are most influential.
• Fully 73% of adults and a plurality of teens wish that teens were getting more information about both abstinence and contraception, rather than either/or.

Download With One Voice (lite) 2009 here.

Quoted from The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy E-gram. Sign Up.

I love this quote from an article about Debra Haffner,

“Our sexuality and our spirituality are intimately connected,” Haffner told a crowd at the First Unitarian Society in Madison earlier this month. At their best, after all, they share what Haffner called “a common moral vision” — how to love each other and how to treat each other with respect.

Debra is a Unitarian Universalist minister and the author of several books. She was the head of SIECUS (the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S) from 1988 to 2000. She is now the director of the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice and Healing, the mission of which is to “change the way America understands the relationship of sexuality and religion” — no small undertaking.

Other great quotes:

“Sexuality is creative, good, our bodies are wonderful things, there are many forms of blessed relationships.”

“Our sexuality must be exercised wisely so it is not in service of pain and exploitation.”

“Our sexuality in all its stunning diversity is part of God’s creation.”

I had the chance to meet Debra at the 2007 AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) conference in Charlotte after her plenary session “Sexuality and Religion: What’s the Connection” (which also happens to be the name of her fabulous blog).

I’m sure she doesn’t remember me, but I will remember meeting her. As a young sexologist, she was one of the few “Sex-lebrities” that I wanted to meet (Ian Kerner was the other and I got him to sign a book for me!). Although I don’t know that I agree with her on every issue, I admire her dedication to talking about sexuality and spirituality in a way that is informative, inspiring and healing.

62211 PLENARY SESSION: SEXUALITY AND RELIGION: WHAT’S THE CONNECTION?