I’ve been catching up on my blog reading while watching my videotapes for school. Strangely enough, studying sexology can be rather boring!

One blog that got me thinking was “Body Impolitic,” where photographer Laurie Toby Edison shares her thoughts on body image. In The Aftermath of Pregnancy she rants a bit about plastic surgery in the form of “mummy tucks.” I agree that there is an unfortunate pressure on women to look eternally young – as if the scars of life are something to be ashamed of.

These are not women who were pregnant against their will; they are women who wanted children. Their children will leave a wide range of marks on the mothers’ lives, marks that go much deeper than the stretch marks or unequally sized breasts. What does it mean to erase an intentional pregnancy from your body? It can be construed as modifying your body to lie for you–to tell an incomplete and untrue story of who you are and what you’ve done.

I could rant about profit motives, social pressure, and lots more. Laurie and I have done that before, and we will again. But right now, all I can think about is that our bodies are our selves, are one way we carry our history. Because pregnancy and childbirth are occasions for joy and delight, it makes me sad that anyone would want to erase that story, and sadder still that there seems to be a movement of women making that choice.

I was speaking with some women about this the other night at our women’s group. It is difficult to know if our desire to be attractive comes from within or comes from society. I think we could all agree that companies need to make us feel inadequate in order to sell us their products. Yet, there is something within us that appreciates beauty and wants to be appreciated as beautiful.

If I were deserted on an island I would probably be relieved that I didn’t have to worry about shaving my legs or coloring my hair. Those are things I do to look more presentable to the world. But I might pick up a flower and put it in my hair. That would be for me, just for me.

So I will not get a “mummy tuck” – mainly because I can’t afford it, but also because I don’t think I should. But I will whiten my teeth and darken my hair. I will wear make-up every day, but will shave only rarely. I’ll do what I can to look “good enough” because I know I’ll never be gorgeous. And that’s ok. I don’t need to be gorgeous to be happy.

No human society, present or past, has lacked music. Music is therefore one of the very few human universals, which puts it on the same level as food and sex.
Fredric Lieberman
Source: Spirit Into Sound: The Magic of Music, Page: 7

We just finished watching ONCE and I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed the film and the music.

“No matter what your musical tastes, “Once” will reinforce your belief in the power of melody and harmony to heal one’s inner wounds.” (READ REVIEW HERE)

I discovered the band Guster the other day when I was grabbing lunch at Estelle’s. They reminded me of Toad the Wet Sprocket.

I posted a while back how much I was enjoying “Little Voice” by Sara Bareilles – so I am glad to see her getting so much good press lately. I set the tivo to catch her on the Early Show tomorrow! Check out her video for Love Song.

And Steve wrote a great recap of our trip to Asheville last month to see David Wilcox. It wasn’t a typical concert, and David didn’t sing many of his best songs, but he DID sing “Show the Way” which our good friend Dave Burkum sang at our wedding in 1995.

It is…

Love who makes the mortar

And it’s love who stacked these stones

And it’s love who made the stage here

Although it looks like we’re alone

In this scene set in shadows

Like the night is here to stay

There is evil cast around us

But it’s love that wrote the play…

For in this darkness love can show the way

Today marks the 60th anniversary of the publication of Sexual Behavior in the Human Male.

The Authors of the Male Volume
(l-r) Alfred Kinsey, Clyde Martin, Wardell Pomeroy

For more about this historic milestone, go to The Kinsey Institute website HERE.

(As is so often the case in sex, the men came first. The female volume was published 5 years later).

The male belongs to Yang
Yang’s peculiarity is that he is easily aroused.
But also he easily retreats.
The female belongs to Yin.
Yin’s peculiarity is that she is slow to be aroused
But also slow to be satiated.
– Taoist master Wu Hsien

Did you know?

By 1917, there were more vibrators than toasters in American homes.

So maybe you never wondered about the history of the vibrator — but view THIS slideshow.
It is really fascinating. I promise!

In the New York Times article, “What Did You Call It” about the increasing use of the word va-jay-jay to refer to women’s vaginas, I found this to be a most curious statement:

Shonda Rhimes, the creator and executive producer of “Grey’s Anatomy,” who brought the word into full public view, never intended to promote a euphemism or slang term for the female anatomy. Rather, she fought to use vagina in the script.

“I had written an episode during the second season of ‘Grey’s’ in which we used the word vagina a great many times (perhaps 11),” Ms. Rhimes wrote in an e-mail message. “Now, we’d once used the word penis 17 times in a single episode and no one blinked. But with vagina, the good folks at broadcast standards and practices blinked over and over and over. I think no one is comfortable experiencing the female anatomy out loud — which is a shame considering our anatomy is half the population.”

Now, of course, Oprah uses the word often enough on her show that it has entered popular usage. Problem is, vajayjay is short for vagina, but women are using it to refer to the their vulva. That leaves out a lot of other useful parts — say labia, oh, and the clitoris — the single most sensitive part of a woman’s body (and packed with more nerve-endings than the penis). So when women are using the term vajayjay to refer to their “down there” parts — are they saying it as a pop culture reference? Or is it another way for women to disown a part of themselves. Why do we have no shame saying “elbow,” “spleen” or “pinky toe” — but just can’t seem to utter the word…. vagina…. labia…. clitoris…VULVA!

What really pisses me off is that ‘broadcast standard’ execs have no problem with the word penis being thrown around nilly-willy, but God forbid that someone should say vagina. Really, someone explain to me why vagina is a dirty word, but penis is totally acceptable? No wonder women have such a sense of shame about their bodies.

On the way to San Francisco last week I sat next to a father and his son. The boy was about 8 or 9 and did pretty well on the 5-hour trip, which he proudly told me was his first flight.

I had good intentions to get some reading done, but gave in to temptation and put my headphones on and zoned out to the in-flight entertainment. I began to notice all of the sex references and I couldn’t help wanting to know what the boy was thinking, and what the dad was thinking. At one point I think the dad tried to casually take the boy’s headphones off during a scene in “License to Wed” – but of course that was only one of many references to sex throughout the movie. It wasn’t raunchy by any means, but for an 8-year-old, it talked about sex enough to make him go “hmmmm.”

The next piece of entertainment was an episode of “The New Adventures of Old Christine” — all about how she needs to have sex because it’s been 2 years since her divorce. Her ex-husband is having sex with his new girlfriend, so Christine wants to have sex too. Only problem is she has her quickie sex (twice) with the town boob (played by one of my husband’s favorites – Jim Gaffigan). So, that half-hour — all about sex.

Next up? A celebrity-dish all about Eva Longoria – which showcased her double-duty as Maxim’s hottest babe. Plenty of bikini shots, plenty of long camera pans up and down her body.

So, after sitting through those three shows, does this dad still think his son doesn’t know anything about sex? Is he afraid to think about what his son knows about sex? Is he going to talk to his son about any of the material they just watched together?

When I speak to parents about the importance of talking to their kids about sex, it’s because kids are hearing about sex and seeing sexuality displayed all the time! On one hand, parents complain about this, but on the other hand, they usually think their child is immune to it. Our kids are being taught about sex all the time, in innumerable ways, and we need to be the loudest voice in that choir. Kids want and need to get their sexuality information from their parents, but they admit that if their parents don’t talk to them openly and honestly about sexual issues, they will turn to their friends and to the media.

As parents, it is our Right and our Responsibility to talk to our kids about sex!

I bought this CD off of iTunes on a whim and I have come to adore it! Check out her myspace page for a listen.

Just before their 25th wedding anniversary, relationship counsellor Chris Young’s husband Doug made a staggering confession – that he had been unfaithful throughout their marriage. He admitted even to having an 18-month affair with Chris’s best friend.

Considering my current line of work, this Daily Mail story was unsettling. Whether you agree with her taking him back or not, I found these quotes noteworthy:

In Florida, I faced up to losing Juliette as my best friend. But when I thought about my marriage, I had to ask myself the very difficult question of how much I was to blame, if at all, for Doug’s infidelity.

Without my training as a relationshipcounsellor, I would not have been able to take such an impartial view, but I forced myself to use my own techniques.

Could my behaviour have driven my husband away? For the first time, I began to think that I could talk to Doug about it without wanting to throw something.

I also missed him terribly. Despite all the anger, tears and lies, he was still my friend and I’d spent the past two-and-a-half decades with him. After three weeks away, I was looking forward to seeing him again.

When I got home, I told Doug that I was ready to talk. We booked a hotel in Brighton and had the most honest conversation of our relationship. For hours we discussed getting back together, and I told him that I had to be able to trust him again. We decided we would start over and create a new relationship.

That night, we made love. We had developed such an emotional connection during our discussions that it was probably the best sex we’d ever had.

It may be shocking to read that she could forgive 25 years of betrayal but people often amaze me in what they can forgive. I think most people think they would never stay with someone who cheats, and definitely not who cheats throughout a 25-year marriage, but I do see couples work it out and create a more satisfying relationship. I hope she made the right choice and I wish them a bright and hopeful future.

Addressing the scandal of Sen. Larry Craig’s arrest in a Minneapolis airport bathroom for making sexual advances on an undercover officer, I found it interesting that the Charlotte Observer story made the point that not every man who seeks out sex with another man is necessarily homosexual:

William Leap, an anthropology professor at American University, said his research indicated that up to half of those who engage in male bathroom sex would consider themselves heterosexual.

“You’ve got several groups of folks,” he said. “Happily married men with children who enjoy having sex with men every so often, and also self-identified gay men who enjoy the thrill of anonymous sex.”

Joe Kort’s blog, Straight Guise, actually lists 16 reasons why men have sex with other men (MSM). As Joe points out and as the quote above reflects, “This is a “guy” issue, not a “gay” issue.”

There is a distinction between behavior and orientation. Obviously, most of the men who have sex with other men in prison are not homosexual in orientation even though they engage in homosexual behavior.

Gay is an identity not a behavior. To be a gay man describes a sexual orientation characterized by lasting aesthetic attraction, romantic love, or sexual attraction exclusively for others of the same sex or gender. To be gay man means that his thoughts, fantasies and behavior are in aligned. It is an identity based on affectional, emotional, spiritual, psychological and sexual feelings exclusively or mostly to men. Men who have sex with men in public places are not all gay or even bisexual. – Joe Kort

It is easier to think men like Craig must be gay, because if we acknowledge that straight men cruise public bathrooms, then we have to acknowledge that some of those cruising could be our hetero husbands, brothers, fathers, friends and neighbors. It is easier, I think, to ship Ted Haggard off to get “cured” of his homosexuality than to understand why a married man may still want to have sex with another man. I am not saying that I know Ted’s truth, I don’t know that even he knows it, but it’s probably more complicated than saying a few prayers and asking for his wife’s forgiveness.