A new study shows that older Americans continue to have sex lives!

ABC News interviewed Dr. Laura Berman who gives a shout-out to AASECT, of which I am a student member.

BBC news says:

In a survey of 3,005 people aged 57 to 85, a significant number said they were sexually active into their 70s and 80s.

Health problems or lack of a partner, rather than lack of desire, were listed as the most common barriers to sex.

The researchers say their survey overturns stereotypical ideas about sex and ageing, an area that has been little studied.

“There are a lot of people who feel that age is very tightly correlated with sexual activity or interest,” Professor Edward Laumann of the University of Chicago, one of the report’s authors, told the BBC.

“But it turns out that healthy people are sexually active if they have a partner, and that this is an important part of the quality of life.”

Sex with a partner in the last year was reported by:

* 73% of those aged 57 to 64
* 53% of those aged 64 to 75
* 26% of those aged 75 to 85

Of those who said they were sexually active, most said they were having sex at least two or three times a month.

Half of the people surveyed up to age 75 said they had oral sex.

About half of the men and a quarter of the women said they masturbated, regardless of whether they had a sexual partner.

“This suggests that, among older adults, there is an internal drive or need for sexual fulfilment,” said Stacy Tessler Lindau, the study’s leader.

Dr. Marty Klein was given an award for his recent book America’s War on Sex: The Attack on Law, Lust and Liberty at the AASECT conference in June. He is definitely passionate and knowledgeable about the subject.

While not everyone would agree with his perspective, it’s obvious that America is confused and hypocritical.

“And so while there’s an enormous increase in the number of people who have oral sex or use sex toys, there’s also a huge increase in the number of people complaining about sex on TV. More Americans have sex before marriage than ever before, but support for teaching abstinence-only in school is at an all-time high. Americans are watching more porn, going to more swing parties, and engaging in more anal sex than ever before. At the same time, groups like Morality in Media, Parents TV Council, and Focus on the Family are at their most influential, and municipalities are spending more than ever attempting to shut down strip clubs and adult bookstores.”

Sexology, I am taught, is the study of what people do and how they feel about it. Klein suggests that what people think about what others do is an important component: “What people do, how people feel about what they do, and how people feel about what others do are three separate issues for many Americans.” After all, if I engage in a certain act and feel quite comfortable with it, but think it’s disgusting that someone across town does it — what does that say about me?

Sexuality is subjective. Sexual “normalcy” varies from family to family and from continent to continent. If you grew up in a home where everyone was always fully dressed (as in you never even saw your mother without her make-up on and her hair done), then you would be shocked to discover that your partner grew up in a much less modest house and thinks nothing of sleeping/eating/watching TV in the nude.

I would be shocked to hit the NC beach next month with the family and see nudity. However, if I grew up in a culture where that was “normal” I wouldn’t think twice about it. So is public nudity “right” or “normal” or “healthy” or “moral”? It all depends on who you ask.

Everyone thinks it’s everyone else who has the problem. I suppose this is where that “dreaded” word tolerance comes up. It’s so much easier to be self-righteous.

From The preacher and the porn star to debate

Rev. Dennis Lyle, rector of Mundelein Seminary, teaches aspiring priests in his moral theology classes how to deal with the topic of pornography. He is quick to say it’s not about nudity. The Sistine Chapel is covered with images of naked bodies. “The problem with pornography is not that it shows too much but that it shows too little,” Lyle said. “It doesn’t reveal a totality of the human person. … Pornography draws our attention only to the external, so we never really arrive at a true appreciation for the person as he or she is. The person becomes an object … like a toy or a – tool.”

From Great Sex: A Man’s Guide to The Secret Principles of Total-Body Sex by Micheal Castleman

“The bitter cultural debate about sexually explicit media misses a key point. Pornography is bad for sex. Very bad. It causes or contributes to all of men’s major sex problems: hang-ups about penis size, involuntary ejaculation, erection impairment, and ejaculatory difficulties. It also completely misrepresents how women become sexually aroused and experience erotic fulfillment. Pornography is like the chase scenes in action movies — exciting and fun to watch, but definitely not the way to drive.

After receiving complaints from patrons who were offended by two photos which showed frontal nudity, Stewart Gerard has caused a stir in Winston-Salem. His exhibit of 24 photographs was showing at the Downtown Arts District Association’s Community Center. Recently, the two nudes have gone missing… repeatedly.

“He wonders if such attitudes belong in a district that professes to be devoted to the arts. He put his work back up after he found it in the closet, but he has come back to the center and found the photos in the closet six or seven times.”

Apparently the ruckus-raisers were parents who didn’t want their children to see such things (heaven forbid). Funny, we went to the NoDa Art Crawl last Friday (my birthday request) and I wouldn’t have objected to my kids seeing any of the art there. In fact, I hope they are exposed to nudity and sexuality in art. I want them to appreciate the difference between ‘art’ and ‘advertising’ and to appreciate the way artists communicate all that is meaningful about having our bodies.

Note: the image above is taken from an artist at etsy.com from her Muse series in which she painted life-sized backdrops of classic paintings, and photographed modern “rubinesque” beauties within them. What an inspired idea!

I searched for Gerard’s “racy” photos in question and could not find them online.

In honor of my 33rd birthday:

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I’m gonna learn to love without fear

Born
(Bergquist/Detweiler)
recording: Drunkard’s Prayer

I’ve never recommended anyone waste any time watching O’Reilly, but in this case, you should watch just to see him squirm at the mention of the word “uterus.” He would rather we not discuss such “sophisticated biological terms” with children.

Props to Rev. Debra Haffner who manages to actually address some important points amid all of his rude talk-over and interruptions.

Is this satire or someone’s honest attempt to preach the good news that the “living water” of Christ is actually semen and therefore “every time a woman practices oral sex on a man, or vice versa, they are symbolically enacting drinking the living water of Christ.”

Here are some snippets of their recommendations on:
A Proposal for a Christian Pornography:

“No extramarital sex, unless it is to illustrate the downfalls of adultery. The spouses in a Christian porn production must never have adulterous relations, unless they (and their partner in extramarital crime) suffer and are punished fittingly for their sins. (In deference to modern conventions, the punishment does not have to be one mandated by scripture, i.e., being stoned to death.)”

Anal Sex in Accordance with God’s Will:

“Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage. “

“for a young woman who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, having anal sex allows her to preserve her virginity (i.e., maintain an intact hymen) until marriage. There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night.”

Threesomes Within a Christian Marriage:

“(1) To avoid the impropriety of male homosexuality, a heterosexual couple should not under any circumstances form a threesome with another man.
(2) Both women involved in the threesome must be willing to keep within traditional female roles (i.e., not taking on masculine appearance or behavior in or out of the bedroom) and recognize the male as the leader in the relationship.”

I love how even this joke (c’mon, this has got to be a joke….. the Question and Answers page is just too much!) sticks to the convictions of proper gender roles and the ban on homosexuality.

Or could that be the whole point of this website? To show how evangelical Christians could misquote the Bible to support any number of “questionable” or even “sinful” practices, but somehow they’d likely proclaim that homosexuality is still forbidden.

Or maybe there’s no point.

Or maybe there is someone who really believes that men should swallow their semen so as not to “spill the seed.”

There is nothing in the Scriptures that prohibits a man from swallowing his own semen if he so chooses. In fact, this is an ideal solution for avoiding the sin of “spilling seed” if the female partner is not willing to swallow, or if the man is masturbating alone. As you point out, there is nothing homosexual about swallowing your own semen because it does not involve having sex with another man. However, if you do choose to swallow your own ejaculate, be careful not to get any on yourself or your clothes. The same requirements regarding semen and cleanliness still apply (Leviticus 15:16-17).

Erectile Dysfunction, Viagra, and God’s Will:

The Lord understands that sometimes we need a little help to do His will. In this earthly plane, our bodies are often faulty, but we can take comfort in the God’s promise of vitality and potency everlasting on the day of judgment: “He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be faultless on the Day of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1st Corinthians 1:8)

“Firm to the end.” I don’t think I’ll ever be able to read or hear that passage again without thinking of this post.

Some tidbits of interest:

1) Sex pheromones make mice brains grow
“A DOMINANT male mouse won’t just turn a female on. He’ll make her brain grow. Just a whiff of his odour is enough to make the female’s brain sprout new neurons, and this growth drives her to want to mate with him.”

2) massive floating condom
“Concertgoers at a festival in the Dutch city of Lichtenvoorde were treated to an unusual sight Friday: A pink hot air balloon 127 feet high, shaped exactly like a condom, drifting lazily across the sky. The balloon, with the words “Vrij Veilig”—Dutch for “Safe Sex”—was launched by the public health service.”

3) Can plus-sized be pretty
I like the post on About Face regarding ads for a a Brazilian dairy company.

This series of ads recasts three iconic film images (Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch, and Mena Suvari in American Beauty) as full-bodied women. The accompanying words translate as: “Forget about it. Men’s preference will never change. Fit Light Yogurt.”

The worst part of the ads’ interpretations of male desire is the message that appealing to it should be at the forefront of female concerns. Even the most mundane aspects of daily life, such as grocery shopping, are to be approached with men in mind. The suggestion that we should choose yogurt based on how it makes us look to men essentially reflects an archaic idea that is remains all too potent in the structure of our everyday lives: a woman’s value lies in what she does for men.

4) I finished another book report for school. This one on: Passionate Marriage. I actually read the book two years ago because I had heard such wonderful things about it, so I spent an hour or two re-reading my favorite bits. For an explanation of Schnarch’s approach, go HERE. But here’s one clip:

The Passionate Marriage Approach emphasizes life-long sexual development rather than merely curing desire problems or sexual dysfunctions. People get better in bed as they get older. Most people never reach their sexual potential, and those who do are generally into their 40s, 50s, and 60s. This surprises the many people who confuse genital prime with sexual prime, but you are more capable of an intensely intimate sexual relationships as you mature (become more differentiated).

5) Reason 238 for having sex:

July 31st,
2007
11:18 am

I had sex with my (now ex-) wife because that was the only way she was letting me in–no substantive talk, no affectionate touch, no sweet smiles, but she would have enthusiastic sex with me. I’d have preferred the talk, touch, and smiles, but settled for the sex.

— Posted by Matthew

Frank talk from Muslim sex therapist

“Everyone is searching for better sex, but people aren’t having the best sex,” she said. “Sex within Islam is the best. It covers the man’s rights and the woman’s rights. Islam is the ultimate sexuality. It’s beyond the stereotypes of Islamic oppression. I’m replacing that template. I’m replacing the stereotypes.”
— Heba Kotb, sex therapist in Cairo who has a late-night satellite TV show

HebaKotb.net

Poetry is sexy
Its lyrics aim to please
Read more…