I will be attending the annual AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) Conference this week in Phoenix. I’ll be tweeting and updating my Facebook status as I am able, and hopefully writing a few blog posts along the way.

I am working towards certification as a sexuality educator, which means I will have to balance out the workshops I want to go to with the ones I have to go to. Here’s a preview of what I’ll be doing.

Wednesday evening -

Dr. Ruth Morehouse will speak at 7:00pm on Passionate Couples:  Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships.

How do sex and intimacy really unfold in long-term relationships?  Sexual desire and intimacy follow predictable but little- understood patterns.  The natural ebb of sex, desire and intimacy can break your heart or bring out the best of what marriage has to offer.

Dr. Paul Joannides will speak at 9:00pm on Talking to Your Partner about Sex, and Other Terrifying But Oh-So-Necessary Things That Lovers Need To Do.

Bring your questions, curiosity and sense of humor as the author of the award-winning Guide To Getting It On will be talking about everything from Beer Pong and Hooking Up to the latest research on what goes in our brains when the lights go out and the fun begins.

Thursday -

I’ll be attending two 4-hour workshops, both with Susan Kellogg-Spadt, PhD

• Female Sexual Function: Anatomy, Physiology and What We Know So Far
  
• Advanced Treatments in Sexual Medicine
  

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday — Coming soon…

• 19 million new Sexually Transmitted Infections will occur this year
• STI’s cost the health care industry $15 Billion annually
• More than half of all of us will get one at some time in our lives
• Two-thirds of new cases are in people under 25 years of age

On Monday, I gave a three-hour workshop entitled, “The Local Impact of STI’s” (Sexually Transmitted Infections) for area counselors, social workers, school nurses and public health professionals. My three objectives were that participants would learn more about the most common STI’s, understand the emotional impact of a diagnosis, and see the importance of connecting patients/clients to resources for education and support.

Note: STI’s and STD’s are the same thing. “STD” is still the most widely used term, but there is a shift to using “Infection” instead of “Disease.” The term “disease” implies that a person is sick, but most people with STI’s don’t know that they are infected and/or don’t experience noticeable symptoms.

• 20% of Americans have Genital Herpes
• 90% of the people with Herpes don’t know they have it

Since I had several school nurses in attendance, we spent some time talking about the sex ed that kids receive in schools. We discussed reasons why the STI rate among American teens is so much higher than in other countries.

• The U.S. teen Chlamydia rate is 20 times higher than in France
• The U.S. teen Gonorrhea rate is 74 times higher than in France

Although the age at which young people begin sexual activity is about the same, American teens have a higher pregnancy rate, higher abortion rate, and higher birth rate than most industrialized nations. But why?

A big factor is condom usage. True, condoms don’t offer 100% protection against STI’s, but a condom or dental dam is far better than using nothing. Yet, Abstinence-Only Sex Education stresses the failure rate of condoms, and teachers cannot instruct teens on how to use one properly.

Theoretically, abstinence would be 100% reliable protection against Sexually Transmitted Infections, but…

• In one study, “virgins” had the same rate of STI’s as sexually active teens
• In communities with a large number of teens pledging abstinence, there’s a higher rate of STI’s (9% vs 5.5%)

So, what accounts for the large numbers of Americans, especially teenagers, who contract a Sexually Transmitted Infection each year? I think one important factor is the love/hate relationship our society has with sex. On one hand, we produce billions of dollars worth of porn and export it all over the world, and on the other hand we’re still pitching a fit about Janet Jackson’s breast exposed for 2 seconds.

We need to become more comfortable thinking and talking about sex. The obsession/repulsion reaction to sex has many damaging implications, including the the very real problem of Sexually Transmitted Infections. Not only do STI’s cause physical pain, but they cause emotional pain as well.

• In men, STI’s increased the overall risk of depression by 50%
• In women, STI’s increased the risk of depression by 80%

What you don’t know can hurt you.

Results from a new public opinion survey of teens and adults—With One Voice (lite) 2009—provides some guidance on what might help to reverse the recent increase in the teen birth rate.  Results from the nationally-representative survey make clear that (1) when it comes to teens’ decisions about sex, parents are more influential than they think, and (2) adults and teens view efforts that encourage teens to delay sex and that encourage sexually active teens to use contraception as complimentary not contradictory strategies. In particular:

• Teens say parents (31%) most influence their decisions about sex—more than friends (18%), the media (7%), teachers and sex educators (3%) and others.
• For their part, 43% of adults believe that friends most influence teens’ decisions about sex; only 24% of adults believe that parents are most influential.
• Fully 73% of adults and a plurality of teens wish that teens were getting more information about both abstinence and contraception, rather than either/or.

Download With One Voice (lite) 2009 here.

Quoted from The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy E-gram. Sign Up.

I’ve enjoyed some lively dialogue created by my Choices in Sex Ed post a few days back, as well as some postings on Twitter.

Today I read “New U.K. Sex Ed Urges Parental Talks with No Values” as a headline on The Christian Post.

“Discussing your values with your teenagers will help them to form their own,” the pamphlet reads. “Remember, though, that trying to convince them of what’s right and wrong may discourage them from being open.”

Contrary to what the headline implies, and what people might assume, the pamphlet encourages parents to share their values, even acknowledging that discussing their values will help their kids form their own values. This is a point that I stress when I talk to parents about how to talk to kids about healthy sexuality. I remind them over and over that they are their child’s first source of sex information, and that sharing sexual values is incredibly important. Most kids say they truly want to know what their parents think about sexual issues, and why. When it comes to sex, parents have a lot of influence on their children, more than probably the parents or the kids realize.

The second part of the quote is probably what is setting off the controversy, but isn’t it plainly obvious? I think we all know, because of our own human nature, that the more someone tries to convince us of something, the more compelled we often feel to do the exact opposite — if only to disagree for the sake of disagreeing. And who likes to argue for the sake of arguing more than teens?

As parents, we can (and must) share our values about sex (and money, and health, and education, and personal responsibility, and… and..) but we also must be mindful that we cannot guarantee that our kids will have those same values. And if we err on the side of arguing our point to death, we may sacrifice our significance as our kid’s “safe place” to come with their vulnerabilities and questions.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to want to pass on our values to our kids, and I’m not saying that we shouldn’t argue our points (to some extent). What I am saying, is that the best way to pass on those values is by first living them out ourselves, and then creating a home environment that offers the opportunity to talk openly, ask important questions, and develop self-control, communication skills, and relationship wisdom.

I became aware of the term “sex-positive” while studying at the Institute in San Francisco. It’s a fluid term that means different things to different people. For some it means total acceptance of any and all sexual preferances, attitudes and behaviors. A sort of “anything-goes” mentality.

I prefer the definition offered by Lisa Tobin in an article for Planned Parenthood:

• Having a comprehensive definition of sexuality
• Viewing sexual health as a basic human right
• Focusing on the life-enhancing aspects of sexuality as well as attention to the negative aspects
• Being non-judgmental and challenging narrow social constructs
• Using inclusive language rather than value-laden language which makes assumptions based on sexual orientation or gender stereotypes
• Assisting individuals to be aware of the choices involved in sexual decisions

As an educator and advocate, I appreciate this definition’s focus on the positive psychological and physical impacts of sexual expression.

What is your definition of “sex-positive” or do you prefer another term? Maybe you can’t agree with an item (or two or three) on the list above… which one(s)?

References:

Tobin, L. “From Being Sex Positive: Promoting Young People’s Sexual Health.” Health Promotion Atlantic Volume 3, Number 3 (September 1997).