Okay, this is a clever ad to promote noodles that “won’t swell.” And just because I’d be lumped into the first bowl of noodles, doesn’t mean I can’t take a joke.

However, this ad is more than just another take on “fat=undesirable” and “skinny=desirable.” It also shows the overweight women as lifeless and just, well … blobs. The skinny women are coy and cooing and looking ever eager to please.

So here is another example of how we perpetuate the message that overweight women have nothing to offer and are unappealing, and that thin women are always sexy and interested in being consumed.

That mode of thinking is not helpful to anyone. Not to the women who want to believe they can be desirable no matter what their size, and not to the men who wonder why their girlfriends/wives won’t open up sexually.

As a clinical sexologist, I had a particular interest in watching Ted Haggard in his many media appearances this week and the conversation it has sparked among many. From his interview on Oprah, Ted Haggard seems to understand that human sexuality is complex. He said this several times. He also said that he didn’t want to be pigeon-holed into either a “homosexual” or a “heterosexual” category, although it seems that everyone (on both sides of the debate) is trying to do just that.

What was missing from the conversation was the awareness that sexual orientation exists on a spectrum. Between the polarizing categories of “gay” and “straight,” there is a diversity of experiences and orientations. Intuitively, I think we understand this, yet our culture loves to categorize people into easily-definable boxes.

In his ground-breaking 1948 book Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, Alfred Kinsey wrote:

Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. Not all things are black nor all things white. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories. Only the human mind invents categories and tries to force facts into separated pigeon-holes. The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. The sooner we learn this concerning human sexual behavior the sooner we shall reach a sound understanding of the realities of sex. (p. 639)

Kinsey, after painstakingly interviewing over 12,000 men,  devised a seven-point scale to reflect the spectrum of sexual experience:

0- Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual

1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual

4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6- Exclusively homosexual

It is foolish for anyone to assume anything about Ted Haggard’s sexual orientation. We are fond of thinking that we know more about another person than they know about themselves. The truth is that we are all on a journey of self-discovery.

From my limited interaction with Ted Haggard’s story, it sounds to me like he has reached a place of understanding about his own sexuality and grasped this basic concept that many, gay and straight (including Oprah Winfrey), have not seemed to grasp — that there are more than two categories of human sexual experience.

I am a sexuality educator and coach based in Charlotte, North Carolina. If you have sexual health concerns, I invite you to take the free Sensovi Life Test or contact me.

I am committing to reading 10 good books this year. I read a lot, but mostly non-fiction related to work, and I seldom read more than 60-70% of a book. I get agitated when I feel that writers are repeating themselves just to fill up pages.

I enjoy reading articles and blogs online, but have come to realize that they just can’t cover subjects to the degree that a good book can. I am narrowing down my list of blogs that I will tend to, focusing on ones that either educate or inspire me. More on that in a future post.

For now, these are the TEN BOOKS I COMMIT TO READING THIS YEAR:

Life is a Verb by Patti Digh – which I bought myself for Christmas. I follow the author Patti Digh on twitter and her blog is fantastic! “37 days to wake up, be mindful, and live intentionally.”

Taking Flight by Kelly Rae Roberts – another book I bought myself for Christmas. I adore Kelly Rae’s creations and one of her lovely prints adorns my foyer. Her book includes a lot of her art as well as others’. “Inspiration and Techniques to Give Your Creative Spirit Wings.”

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein- this was one of my favorite books as a kid, and my daughter is in a real “giving” stage right now. She made ornaments and handed them out to strangers last month. I got upset when she gave her Christmas presents to people a week early, but she cried and said she couldn’t help it because she just like to make people happy. She’s a sweetie and I think she’ll enjoy this book.

Driftless by David Rhodes – I heard a spot on NPR the other day about this book and knew right away that it was going to make my list. Why? Because it’s set in my home-state of Wisconsin. Read an excerpt.

Eve’s Revenge: Women and a Spirituality of the Body by Lilian Calles Barger - Sounds right up my alley.

The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman’s Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine by Sue Monk Kidd – she probably doesn’t remember this, but Julie Clawson and some other women recommended this book to me when we were at the Emerging Women’s East Coast Gathering in Virginia Beach in late 2006.

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant - gotta have some good fiction to even things out. I heard positive things about this book a few years ago, and I own the book. ‘Bout time I read it!

Now onto books more geared toward my day job:

Sex on the Brain by Daniel Amen, Bonk by Mary Roach, and TA Today: A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis by Ian Stewart.

And if I’m really on top of things, I may even post book reviews!

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy teamed up with CosmoGirl.com to do a survey of teens and young adults examining their attitudes and behaviors related to sex and cyberspace. The results are shocking – or not – depending on how familiar you are with the lives of modern teens.

Perhaps the most unsurprising thing I noticed is that teens and young adults are confused about sex and sexuality.

• 75% of teens and 71% of young adults say sending sexually suggestive content “can have serious negative consequences.”

• Yet, 39% of teens and 59% of young adults have sent or posted sexually suggestive emails or text messages—and 20% of teens and 33% of young adults have sent/posted nude or semi-nude images of themselves.

Read more about the study or get tips for parents and kids on how to safely navigate cyberspace.

I love seeing people talk about how affectionate and loving Barack and Michelle Obama are. It was mentioned on Oprah last week, as well as on The View:

Whoopi said: “You know what I think is really exciting is that there’s gonna be some action in the White House. These are not two people who move in separate lanes…I think there’s gonna be a whole lot of whoopee going on.”

Sheri agreed: “I thought President Obama was gonna pop her on the rear-end…he loves his wife!”

What I think is so interesting is that people are making these assumptions based on how they see the Obama’s interact. John Gottman is famous for studying what makes couples tick (or not), but I think on some level we can all sense when people are truly happy with each other, truly connected emotionally and spiritually.

I hope the Obamas will continue to enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sex life, even with all the pressures of being President and First Lady. I hope that it might inspire all of America’s couples to find comfort, connection and pleasure with the one they love!

Bravo to new mommy Amy Poehler for creating and hosting Smart Girls at the Party which celebrates tween girls “who are changing the world by being themselves.”

Take that “Hannah Montana!”

Not to hate on Miley Cyrus, but after watching “Hannah Montana” the only thing my daughter aspired to was getting rich and riding in a limo.

She’s not into Miley or Hannah much anymore. We quit tivo’ing those kinds of shows because, frankly, she’s too busy exploring outside to watch them. In fact, when she turned eight in September, she asked for a microscope and books about bugs!

But some days she asks if she can be a scientist/biologist/veterinarian and be a rock star. I tell her that she can do anything she wants to do. She’s my “Smart Girl!”

Kudos to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, two of our “sexiest people alive,” for showing the world that breastfeeding is natural, nurturing, and wonderfully intimate.

November Issue of W Magazine

Yep, you read that right, conservatives are calling for more sex on TV – more *married* sex, that is.

In a study out this month called Happily Never After: How Hollywood Favors Adultery and Promiscuity Over Marital Intimacy on Prime Time Broadcast Television, the Parents Television Council states that “broadcast networks depict sex in the context of marriage as either nonexistent or burdensome.”

I have noticed this myself, though I watch very little television. What I have seen, however, is that sitcoms like “Everybody Loves Raymond” or “King of Queens” consistently show married sex as a chore or as a tool for manipulation. I am hard-pressed to think of more than two or three happily married TV couples that actually enjoy a healthy sexual relationship.

I disagree, however, with the PTC’s assertion that it constitutes a deliberate Hollywood conspiracy to “undermine marriage by consistently showing it in a negative manner.” Instead I think it reflects

• the difficulty people have in being honest about what healthy sexuality looks like
• the reality that a lot of marriages are suffering from sexual boredom and neglect
• that it is easier to laugh at people’s misfortune (ie. a “frigid” wife) than to honestly examine the challenge in keeping monogamy exciting and enjoyable